插入语问题

明末初期，他出生在农业发达的江苏松江区域。He was born in the Songjiang area in Jiangsu Province, where agriculture was developed, in the late Ming Dynasty. 想问老师，这句英文写的对不对，问题是什么，该如何改正？谢谢老师。

明朝末期，他出生在农业发达的江苏松江区域。
In thelate Ming Dynasty, he was born in Songjiang, Jiangsu Province, where agriculture was developed.

句子不应该有插入语，也无需插入语。只须把语序和每个成分的地方排列正确，即可。

“农业发达” 用非限制性定语从句，放在句末。把时间状语提前句首。原翻译结构松散，且可能导致误读。