Lesson 4 Does Criticism Do More Harm Than Good to People？
Text A Yoang Woman Who Fears Compliments Marya, a brilliant graduate student in her early twenties who came for consultation1, insisted that she could improve only with criticism. Her reasoning was that she knew the good qualities but that she did not know the bad ones. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, she believed,would add to her self-understanding and thus enable her to see herself more completely. Marya, in effect, refused to acknowledge and to understand her strengths. She had as百度竞价推广bled detailed2 lists of her negative qualities which she used daily to support an extremely negative view of herself . But they were either exaggerated or unreal. Despite her attractiveness to others, she convinced herself that she was ugly. When her family bought her new and well-designed articles of clothing （she seldom. bought any herself ）, she left them hanging in the closet for weeks before wearing them once. When someone complimented her on what she wore and asked whether it was new, she could honestly answer no. She did not deserve to wear new clothes. She could not bear the pain of hearing compliments, of seeing herself as intelIigent, pretty, or worthwhile.
As a child, Marya had received little or no criticism from her parents. She was prized by them. Their major disappointment in her apparently3 was that she often rejected their overtures4 of kindness and appreciation5, not in anger but in embarrassment6, as though she were undeserving. This seemingly mild-mannered young woman, exceptionally courteous7 and considerate to others, held onto her own negative selfjudgment with tenacity9. Finally, friends and interested faculty10 members quit acceding11 to her persuasive12 requests for criticism that they could not honestly give. Instead, they gently but firmly confronted her with her own blindness to what she truly was like.
II . Read Read the following passages. Underline the important viewpoints while reading. l. Unfair Criticism Stuart is a typical sixteen-year-old boy who experienced and suffered from the criticism of an alcoholic13 parent. It seemed to 5tuart the only thing his father ever had to say to him was, You haven't got a brain in your head. ？Stuart was a sophomore14 in high school. It was true he was a poor student, or what his dean called an underachiever。
Even though Stuart knew he was an underachiever, he would have liked to hear his father say, just once, something else when he brought home his report card other than his usual, You haven't got a brain in your head.Stuart was determined15 to prove to his father he did have a brain in his head. Stuart studied very hard. Some nights it was difficult for him to concentrate on his homework because he could hear his parents bickering16 in the next room.
You forgot to pay the mortgage again. The bank is fed up.How many times can a person smash up a car？ I , m sucprised they haven't taken your license17 away！ If you wouldn't drink so much . . . Stuart didn't like the bickering, and wondered if his parents might separate. He wondered, too, because his father was so forgetful about paying the bills, if they might lose their home. He kept telling himself that if he studied hard, maybe, by some miracle, things would get better at home.
Stuart's determination to concentrate on his school work, in spite of the bickering and worries at home, paid off. His next report card showed a marked improvement. There was even a personal note of praise from his dean written on the report card. Proudly Stuart put the report card on his father's desk. Stuart felt happier than he had felt in a long time. He knew that his father could only be pleased with such a report, but more important, maybe now his father would realize that he was intelligent and would start paying some attention to him.
Stuart could remember when his father used to go to ballgames and movies with him. Who knew？ Maybe things would go back to the way they used to be. Stuart would offer to get a part-time job to help pay off some of the bills. He thought that might lessen18 some of the arguing at home and keep the family from breaking up. He would lat his father know that he was old enough to understand things weren't always easy at the office.
When Stuart's father came home and saw the report, he said without any hesitation19, Well, well, who did the work for you？ I know you don't have the brains to do it！ Stuart was stunned20. All that work for nothing！ He wouldn't be surprised if his father not only thought he was stupid but hated him, too. Stuart would not have been as hurt if he had only known his father was tied up in his own miserable21 feelings. This kept him from recognizing what Stuart had accomplished22 in school.
2. Uses of Criticism While some of us have a tendency to disbelieve or to minimize the good things people say about us, others among us have a tendency to hold a protective web around ourselves in defense23 against criticism. One workshop participant said, I confuse the issue by getting logical in the face of threatening reactions. Sometimes I act helpless so others will sTOP the criticism. ？Early in the workshop experience he had received more negative than positive reactions. While he was fearful of criticism, he found that he had courted it, hoping that he could learn how to handle it and overcome his fear.
We may court negative reactions for other reasons. A therapy group member regarded criticism as more useful than compliments, and criticism is what he often got-not because he asked for it directly, but because of his detached manner, as though he were sitting in judgment8 of others. Moreover, his tendency to qualify and hedge his opinions and feelings until they had no meaning often brought down the ire of others upon him. He gave the impression of accepting their displeasure stoically, as though it strengthened him. He never openly criticized other members, however.
Still another member, who claimed thatcriticism is the stuff that we grow on？ gave others criticism galore so they could improve and, in his words, not appear in a negative light in the future. This member came across as using his ostensible24 concern for the growth of others as an excuse to criticize and attack them.
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