10-1：原文如下
Topic:
People have been so encouraged by society to focus on apparent differences that they fail to see meaningful similarities among ideas, inpiduals, and groups.
Differences and personality seem to have been playing a crucial role in our society in many aspects, whether ideas, inpiduals, or groups, for the incentive1 to stand out in the increasingly larger amount of output by society of both new high-tech2 products and elites4 of persons and groups. And therein exists another belief that by taking differing from others too far causes people's failure to see the meaningful similarities among related things. As far as I am concerned, however, that pursuing differences or personality and seeking similarities between counterparts are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and that a coalition6 of them both can be possibly and necessarily realized if handled properly, which will benefit our society a lot with the appropriate proportion of them each to blance each other out.
Admittedly, apparent differences is now playing an important part in distinguising someting or someone out, especially in the tense competition field concerning business. A free market ecomony is where this rule takes effect and works most well. Take American automobile7 industry for an example. Equipped with modern technology, many other countries are now able to manufact automobiles8 almost as the same to American's time-honored superior cars, in almost every way: the fashion style, the comfortable seats, energy-effective process, high-quality materials, and the like. In this situation, American manufactures established and estinguished their automobiles by creating an attractive emotion image of their cars: masculine, owning money and time to drive cars, enjoy life and so on. One of the most clever use of emotion to differ itself is seen in the old Volvo slogan, Volvo, the car for people who think. The suggested reason for buying the car is obvious: it is the intelligent choice, and this is where the unique idea appeals to people----they want to be included in the group of intelligent, thoughful people. So we can conclude that when you've got something special, you stand out and go ahead of your competitors.
However, overemphasizing apparent differences may mask the meaningful similarities between things, which would do harm to the meaningful and constructive9 communication not only between inpiduals but also even between different cultures. First of all, too much focus on apparent differences may narrow ones eyesight and blind him from the basic and foundamental similarity in common with others, which is the very element that understanding, helpful discussion, and potential cooperation necessaries to develop. In addition, without the acknowledge of the common share between different cultures in human nature, such as desire, love, hate, jealousy10, etc., and in its function to cultivate its peopel and to serve the power of its nation, one may find it really hard to understand another culture's customs and values deviating11 from his own, and that is where his bias12 and prejudice toward that culture starts and forms. And this illustrates13 how culture gap develops, in a much simpler process, of course. From the two reasons above, we can see the importance of encouraging people to study and seeking the meaningful similarities to cultural communications as well as inpiduals'.
In conclusion, similarities and differences are both equally important and indispensable to our society. Without differences and varieties, we risk of making a dull world, without persity and variety. Without similarities and conformity14, we risk ourselves of losing our willingness and ability to communicate efficiently15 between both inpiduals and different cultures. We should therefore get out to make apparent differences and personality on the foundamental basis of sharing and acknowledging the meaningful similarity between we human beings.
10-2：总体评价
全文结构明确，第一段为开头，陈述作者的论点（在differences和similarities 之间走中庸之道）；第二段论述differences的重要程度；第三段论述similarities的重要程度；最后一段为结论,主要从反面来论述differences和similarities各自的必不可少性。作者有肯定的词语量，有构建较为复杂句式的能力，内容尚显充分，亦能进行例证。第一段思绪混乱，表述不清，极为费解，出现紧急句法错误。从第二段起思路和文笔渐渐流畅明确起来，表达的意思也渐趋明朗．用GRE Issue类作文的评分标准来衡量，得分应在3.5分左右。
10-3: 具体剖析
第一段极为晦涩费解，层次紊乱，读完五遍之后我才基本整理出一个头绪，读了十遍并详加揣摩之后才弄了解应如何重新加以组织方显条理明确。这可能是由于原作者急于展示我们的才能却又驾御失去控制所致。
第一句：Differences and personality seem to have been playing a crucial role in our society in many aspects, whether ideas, inpiduals, or groups, for the incentive to stand out in the increasingly larger amount of output by society of both new high-tech products and elites of persons and groups.
本以为这句是作者我们的论点，大致是说因为现代社会高新技术商品和精英人物层出不穷，因此，为了不被湮没在茫茫的人与商品的海洋中而陷入默默无闻，就十分有必要保持与别人或他物的差异并张扬个性。但读到第三句As far as I am concerned, however读者才能判断出开头第一句并不是作者我们的论点,而是别人的论点。除此之外，由第二句中的another belief可推知，第一句和第二句所表达的分别是别人的两大看法。故为了条理明确，作者应在第一句的开头加上Some people believe that的字样。
在语言上，personality是一种误用，它的意思是一个人的性格特点，人格, 而不是独一无二的个性，故应改成inpiduality。在in many aspects后面出现了补充说明性质的whether ideas, inpiduals, or groups，但其中应保持介词结构的表达方法，即在ideas之前至少要有介词in，最好inpiduals和groups之前都有，以显严谨。但即便如此，将idea，inpiduals和groups说成社会的诸个侧面也是极为牵强的，改成human thoughts, inpidual behavior and group activities较为贴切。在句子后半部分，将for用作介词，后接 the incentive to是比较奇怪的，最好将for用作连词，后接一个句子，改成for the incentive tois great/high，但这仍是一个不太容易见到的句式。另外，by society最好改成in our society, elites of persons and groups最好改成elite3 people and groups。全句最好改为：Some people maintain that differences and inpiduality play a crucial role in our society in many aspects, whether in human thoughts, inpidual behavior, or group activities, for, amidst the increasing output in our society of both new high-tech products and elite people and groups, it is extremely necessary to stand out in order not to be obliterated16 in the sea of overwhelming similarities.
第二句And therein exists another belief that by taking differing from others too far causes people's failure to see the meaningful similarities among related things. 因为用了therein一词，本句在逻辑上存在紧急矛盾。从内容上看，本句所陈述的意思是，假如过分地采取独一无二的做法则会妨碍大家认清有关事物之间的一同点。这一论点是与第一句所表述的论点截然相反的另一种看法（another belief），但 therein却规定了这第二个论点是包括在第一个论点之中的。这便产生了两个逻辑矛盾。第1、全然相反的第二个论点如何能被包括在与之矛盾的第一个论点之中呢？第2、another暗示第一个句子中应包括二个beliefs，但大家在第一个句子以外，所能读到的却只有一个belief，缺少另一个belief的存在。这里，作者可能出于炫耀词语的心理，用了一个不常见的带有故旧色彩的therein，好似上文中的personality一词那样，均是囫囵吞枣、没透彻把握而导致误用的表现，改成there，变为 there exists another belief便可。
在语言上，介词结构by taking differing from others too far 是不可以做主语的，by一词应去掉，变成目前分词短语才能充当主语，这里显示出作者遭到了中文思维的干扰。除此之外，在及物动词taking之后出现的名词，在differing和differences之间应最佳选择differences。但即便如此，taking differences在搭配上也是生硬的，应改成taking on differences或assuming differences 方为贴切。最后，以副词形式出现的too far修饰taking 也显别扭，最好改成形容词excessive，放在名词differences之前来修饰，才符合英文习惯表达方法。
这一句可改为：On the other hand, there exists an opposite belief that assuming excessive differences from others can result in people's failure to see meaningful similarities among related things.
第三句：As far as I am concerned, however, that pursuing differences or personality and seeking similarities between counterparts are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and that a coalition of them both can be possibly and necessarily realized if handled properly, which will benefit our society a lot with the appropriate proportion of them each to blance each other out.?对于本句，先说语言上的问题。假如维持As far as I am concerned这一从句，则后面的内容应该表现为主句，故pursuing differences和a coalition of them both 之前的两个that 应删除，不然会出现全句只有数个从句而没主句的紧急语法问题。或者，维持以that 引导的两个从句，将As far as I am concerned 改为主句I think /believe/hold/maintain。第二，similarities between counterparts 是对原文similarities among ideas, inpiduals, and groups 的篡改，由于counterparts指的是相同种类的或对等的人或事物，但题目中similarities among ideas, inpiduals, and groups指的是表面上视若不一样的思想之间、个人之间和群体之间在深层次上的一同点。第二，coalition一词常指政治和军事上的网盟，表示两者的融合应该用combination，或integration, fusion, incorporation等词语。除此之外，possibly and necessarily是自相予盾的，应改成possibly or necessarily才免强可行。最后，them each应改成each of them, blance为拼写错误，应改成balance, 但balance each other out也是中国式英语，应改成to keep a balance between the two。整句可改为：As far as I am concerned, however, pursuing differences or inpiduality and seeking similarities among apparently17 different entities18 are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and a combination of both can be possibly or necessarily realized if handled properly, which will considerably19 benefit our society with an appropriate proportion of each of them to maintain a state of balance or equilibrium20.经过上述修改之后，第一段本身已变得层次明确，连贯通顺。作者先指出了两个均带片面性的别人的论点，然后提出了有别于这两个片面论点的是我们的折衷看法。
但，一旦将表达作者立论的第一段与对这一立论展开论证的2、第三段结合起来考虑，全文最大的一个逻辑矛盾才凸现出来！这是由于，按第一段文章的基本思路来判断，作者在文章主体部分应左右开弓，第一对别人的两个片面看法进行简明扼要的批判与驳斥，然后集中力量来论证其我们的主题，即对个性的追求和对共性的追求是怎么样互相兼容的，并且这种兼容又是怎么样有益于社会的。然而，不幸的是，通篇看下来，作者根本没去论证我们的命题，而是以两个孤立的段落来分别论证追求个性和追求共性的重要程度，即论证了第一段文章中别人提出的、也是被文章作者用however加以否定的1、第二两个belief的正确性。这里，作者在逻辑上的混乱已经达到了无以复加的地步！他不遗余力所证实的恰好是他一个人开宗明义所要反对的！
除此之外，第二段文章开头所用的admittedly也会在语气上给读者导致很大的困惑。Admittedly在语气上表示让步。等于汉语中的诚然，表示它所涵盖的内容应该是让步的和次要的，是在为另一部分进行铺垫，作好筹备。但从第二段最后一句和第四段第一句可以看出，文章作者丝毫没把整个第二段内容当作次要的来对待。事实上，揣摩文章作者的意图，这里本该表达的意思是大家需要承认，英语应该是We must acknowledge that或It must be acknowledged that，而不是admittedly。
除admittedly导致的困惑以外，文章自第二段至最后一段在逻辑上均较为连贯，行文也较为流畅。只不过在语言上存在如此那样的问题，有必要逐一加以指出并订正。
1.Admittedly, apparent differences is now playing an important part in distinguising someting or someone out, especially in the tense competition field concerning business. 作为主语的differences和作为谓语的is 在单复数上看上去不同，应改成highlighting apparent differences is 或apparent differences are。distinguising拼写有误，应改成distinguishing；something同样拼写有误，应改成something。除此之外，distinguishout显示遭到了中文将区别开来的影响，应将out去掉。最后，the tense competition field concerning business表述不规范，应改为the field of tense business competition。
2.A free market ecomony is where this rule takes effect and works most well. ecomony拼写有误，应改成economy。takes effect 是生效的意思，这里实质应该表达适用的意思，所以应该用applies一词。后面的works most well极为别扭，可改为works best或works most effectively。
3.Equipped with modern technology, many other countries are now able to manufact automobiles almost as the same to American's time-honored superior cars, in almost every way: the fashion style, the comfortable seats, energy-effective process, high-quality materials, and the like.第一manufact 存在拼写错误，应改成manufacture，as the same to是受中文干扰后杜撰出来的表达方法，实质应该是the same as。另外，Americans应改成Americas或American，the fashion style应改成the fashionable styles以便与其后的表达方法一致。最后，process应改成复数processes。
4.In this situation, American manufactures established and estinguished their automobiles by creating an attractive emotion image of their cars: masculine, owning money and time to drive cars, enjoy life and so on.文章作者本来想借用in this situation来表达在这样的情况下，但遭到了中文表达方法的干扰。这里最好使Under such circumstances或 Faced with this situation，或者更明确一点，用Faced with challenges of increasing re百度竞价推广blances / similarities。第二，manufactures用词有误，应该用manufacturers来表示制造商。第三，文章作者可能原本期望通过established and estinguished来追求某种押韵或谐音的成效，但estinguished存在拼写错误，如改成extinguished（灭火，使熄灭），则意思紧急失误。应改成distinguished才为正确。另外，emotion image应改为形容词修饰名词的结构emotional image。最后，用masculine来形容汽车是可以的，但紧接着又将无生命之物的汽车形容为owning money and time是不适合的。可加上这一动作的形式实行者their owners（并且为防止重复，将owning改成having为好），构成一独立组合结构。
5. One of the most clever use of emotion to differ itself is seen in the old Volvo slogan, Volvo, the car for people who think。第一，differ为不及物动词，不可以后接宾语，故应改成differentiate21 。第二，反身代词itself紧急失误，由于根据语法规则它在这里只能指代主语，即the use of emotion。事实上，文章作者想指代的是Volvo汽车，但因为反身代词不可能出目前所指代的对象之前，故这里可改成to differentiate one product from similar products。
6.The suggested reason for buying the car is obvious: it is the intelligent choice, and this is where the unique idea appeals to people----they want to be included in the group of intelligent, thoughful people.既然文章作者引用的是Volvo的一个old slogan，故为了做到严谨，所有动词应改成过去时态。除此之外，this应改成that，where应改成how，thoughful拼写有误，应改成thoughtful。
7.So we can conclude that when you've got something special, you stand out and go ahead of your competitors.用go ahead of来表示超越，胜出有失适合，应改成get ahead of或get the upper hand of。
8.However, overemphasizing apparent differences may mask the meaningful similarities between things, which would do harm to the meaningful and constructive communication not only between inpiduals but also even between different cultures. not onlybut also已含有递进关系，故even是多余的。
9.First of all, too much focus on apparent differences may narrow ones eyesight and blind him from the basic and foundamental similarity in common with others, which is the very element that understanding, helpful discussion, and potential cooperation necessaries to develop. 第一，ones应改成所有格的形式ones。第二，eyesight表示生理上的视力，而文章所需要的看问题的见地，故应改成sight或vision或perspective。词组blind sb. from sth.是有误的，应改成blind sb. to sth.；foundamental拼写有误，应改成fundamental，similarity应改成复数的similarities；在similarity后面用in common with是重复的，应改成介词to。that引导的定语从句有误，necessaries是凭空捏造的动词，根本没这个词语，应改成that is necessary forto develop，除此之外，discussion应使用复数形式。
10.In addition, without the acknowledge of the common share between different cultures in human nature , such as desire, love, hate, jealousy, etc., and in its function to cultivate its peopel and to serve the power of its nation, one may find it really hard to understand another culture's customs and values deviating from his own, and that is where his bias and prejudice toward that culture starts and forms.该句前半部分，即主句之前的所有内容不知所云，表述紧急含混不清。第一，the acknowledge of有误，整个应改成acknowledging，最起码也应该改成the acknowledgement of。 作为单数的所有格its只能指the common share或human nature， 但照此理解将引起巨大混乱。据判断，应是指复数的cultures，故应改成their。除此之外，peoel拼写有误，应改成people。主句中的deviating from his own应改成（that are）different from his own。前半部分所要表达的意思可能是：除此之外，假如否认不同文化推荐着人性的某些一同的侧面，如欲望，爱憎，嫉妒等情感，并且每一种文化都起着教育其民众，增强该民族力量有哪些用途的话，那样，。原文应彻底重新组织（见后面的改后稿）。
11.And this illustrates how culture gap develops, in a much simpler process, of course. From the two reasons above, we can see the importance of encouraging people to study and seeking the meaningful similarities to cultural communications as well as inpiduals. 本句中，culture gap应改成cultural gap；to study and seeking应改成to study and seek；the meaningful similarities to cultural communications as well as inpiduals应改成meaningful similarities to promote / facilitate communications between cultures as well as between inpiduals。
12.In conclusion, similarities and differences are both equally important and indispensable to our society. both和equally存在重复，应删除both。
13．Without differences and varieties, we risk of making a dull world, without persity and variety. risk of doing sth.使用方法有误，应改成risk doing sth.；除此之外，在without persity and variety中variety是重复，由于前面已经有varieties一词了。
14.Without similarities and conformity, we risk ourselves of losing our willingness and ability to communicate efficiently between both inpiduals and different cultures. 句中，conformity一词常带有贬义色彩，表示雷同，人云亦云式的顺从，因循保守等意思，这里改成shared values为好。risk ourselves of losing应改成risk losing，反身代词ourselves非必要。efficiently（效率高的）应改成effectively（有效地）；between both inpiduals and different cultures应改成both between inpiduals and between cultures。
15.We should therefore get out to make apparent differences and personality on the foundamental basis of sharing and acknowledging the meaningful similarity between we human beings. 这里，get out to应改成go all out to表示全力以赴做某事的意思，make apparent differences and personality应改成strive for differences and inpiduality，foundamental拼写有误，应改成fundamental，similarity应由单数改为复数；between we human beings应改成between us human beings，由于介词后面是不允许出现代词的主格的。
10-4: 改后稿
整篇文章经过修改、调整、润色后，全文如下：
Some people maintain that differences and inpiduality play a crucial role in our society in many aspects, whether in human thoughts, inpidual behavior, or group activities, for, amidst the increasing output in our society of both new high-tech products and elite people and groups, it is extremely necessary to stand out in order not to be obliterated in the sea of overwhelming similarities. On the other hand, there exists an opposite belief that assuming excessive differences from others can result in people's failure to see meaningful similarities among related things. As far as I am concerned, however, pursuing differences or inpiduality and seeking similarities among apparently different entities are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and a combination of both can be possibly or necessarily realized if handled properly, which will considerably benefit our society with an appropriate proportion of each of them to maintain a state of balance or equilibrium.
It must be acknowledged that highlighting apparent differences is now playing an important part in distinguishing something or someone, especially in the field of tense business competitions. A free market economy is where this rule applies and works most effectively. Take American automobile industry for an example. Equipped with modern technology, many other countries are now able to manufacture the automobiles which are almost the same as America's time-honored superior cars, in almost every waythe fashionable style, the comfortable seats, energy-effective processes, high-quality materials, and the like. Faced with the challenges of increasing re百度竞价推广blances, American manufacturers have tried to establish and distinguish their automobiles by creating a uniquely attractive emotional image of their cars: masculine, their owners having the money and leisure to drive those cars, to enjoy life, and so on. One of the classical examples of using an emotional image to differentiate one particular product from similar products is seen in the old Volvo slogan: Volvo, the car for people who think. The suggested reason for buying the car was obvious: it was the intelligent choice. This was how the unique idea appealed to peoplethey wanted to be included in the group of intelligent, thoughtful people. So we can conclude that, whenever you've got something special, you are bound to stand out and get the upper hand of your competitors.
However, overemphasizing apparent differences may mask meaningful similarities between things, which would do harm to the constructive communications not only between inpiduals but also between cultures. First of all, too much focus on apparent differences may narrow ones vision and blind one from the basic and fundamental similarities among apparent different things, and similarities are the very element necessary for mutual5 understandings, helpful discussions, and potential cooperation to develop. In addition, without acknowledging the fact that different cultures share common aspects of human nature such as desire, love, hate, jealousy, etc. and that each culture has the function to cultivate its people and enhance the power of the nation of which it is a part, one may find it really hard to understand another culture's customs and values. This failure to understand another culture is where ones biases22 and prejudices toward that culture start to form. And this illustrates how cultural gap develops. From the two reasons above, we can see the importance of encouraging people to study and to seek meaningful similarities to facilitate communications between cultures as well as between inpiduals.
In conclusion, similarities and differences are equally important and indispensable to our society. Without differences and varieties, we risk making a dull world without persity. Without similarities and shared values, we risk losing our willingness and ability to communicate effectively both between inpiduals and between cultures. We should therefore go all out to strive for differences and inpiduality on the fundamental basis of sharing and acknowledging meaningful similarities among us human beings.
10-5: 审题失误
然而，此文最大的失误还在于审题这一环节上的失误。重读一下题目，它的意思应该是: 大家在这样大的程度上被社会鼓励去专注于表面上的差异，以致以大家没办法看到不一样的思想之间、个人之间和群体之间有意义的相似之处。作者在文章中大书特书个性与共性的同等重要程度和不可偏废性，并力图举例说明。但题目所需要考生回答的，实质上是如此两个问题，一是社会有没竭力（且片面地）鼓励大家去追求表面上的差异和独一无二？二是大家是不是由于社会的这种肤浅的鼓励而没办法认识到不同事物深层次的相似，或是不是已导致了不同思想之间、不同个体之间、不同群体之间交流和交流上的障碍？譬如说，在涉及到计划经济和市场经济这两个定义时，大家的社会有没向大家灌输如此一种思想，即它们是是两种完全不一样的意识形态，是两种完全不一样的社会体制的产物，一种追求井然有序，另一种则鼓励自由角逐？大家有没由于如此的思想灌输而没办法看到这两种经济模式深层次的一同点，即它们都追求一种最好的经济运行模式（至少在理论上是这样），并且每一种经济模式都大概在实践中向着它的对立面演变计划经济一旦陷入僵化就会导致紧急的无序，而健康的自由角逐则能达成资源的最好配置，促进经济进入良性有序的状况？
一篇切题的作文应付这类问题作出充分的回答。但大家所读到的文章内容却是围绕着个性与共性孰轻孰重，能否偏废其中一个的命题所展开的讨论，不可以不说在相当程度上答非所问，偏离题意了！这一问题才是考生最应该加以防范的。目前看来，审题的失误可能与作者没能确切把握apparent一词的精确含义有关。这里，apparent显然与meaningful是相反的，带有贬义色彩，《英汉大词典》的解释是表面上的，貌似（真实）的，未必真实的。与此相同使用方法的还有obvious一词。
10-6:：可供汲取的什么时间教训
正如前面总体评价中所指出的那样，作者有着较好的结构意识和词语基础。但通过上述对每一个句子的逐一分析，大家还是发现了如此一个触目惊心的事实，即全文除去二个句子以外，其他所有句子都存在不尽相同的语法与修辞问题，有的甚至是极为紧急的。这是让人极为遗憾的。细究起来，中国家公务员考试生不只要解决写什么的问题，更要解决怎么样写的问题。象GRE作文这种高层次写作所要考察的，一方面是严谨的逻辑思维能力，其次是语言文字功底。
从上述点评的文章中，大家大致可汲取以下几个方面的教训。
1. 文章的主体部分应围绕自己所提出的立论展开，不可以只提出立论却又不加论证，遁入其他主题。
2. 审题时应在全方位正确理解题意的基础上捕捉主题的侧重点，不可以望文生义，以偏概全，只抓住局部的个别词语而将我们的主观臆测强加于题目而妄自发挥。
3. 对复杂的篇章结构、句式、词组、或词语的应用须限定在自己语言能力所能驾御的范围之内，切忌失去控制。绝不可以自已无中生有，胡乱杜撰或编造。
4. 杜绝低级错误，写作时需要做到忙而不乱，不可以将自己平常耳熟能详的各种表达方法、句式、词组与短语等修辞方法，与拼写办法、标点符号等弄错、弄乱！
5. 不要受中文思维模式的干扰。一旦遭到干扰，所写出来的英文要么晦涩费解，不知所云，要么在客观上所表达的意思与作者主观上原本想表述的内容相去甚远，甚至南辕北辙，相背而行，结果是自相矛盾。
6. 规范的英语是压倒所有的最重要原因。宁肯将文章写得朴实无华，也要确保语言文字上的绝对精确性。只须语言规范，层次明确，逻辑连贯，结构分明，言之有物，就肯定能立于不败之地。考试时所写下的每个词语、每个短语、每个句子，都要是自己有绝对把握的。没把握的东西应严加防止。
